Janine's Articles From the Soul From the Outside Poetry Corner Prisoner Letters

FROM WITHIN
Issue 90

We create our own reality.

We are powerful beings.

Everything around us reflects who we are.

I’ve been hearing....and saying... these statements, and more,  for years.

And I’m finding myself at a place in my life when I wonder what they really mean.

I’ve often said, written and I believe that “life is an inside job”.  I see what I look for.  I know this to be true.

I feel about everything just as I choose to feel.  This one is sometimes more difficult to accept but (after I calm down after a snit) I know it to be a true statement for me.

Thoughts come and go in my mind.  I’ve observed myself thinking often enough to experience how fleeting any one of my thought really is.

My opinions have also changed over time.  And I’ve noted that sometimes my opinions change in a moment, turning on a dime.  I would hear of someone doing something that seems wrong to me, or cruel, or....any other judgment I put on it and then, I hear the story from the “perpetrator” him or herself and my opinion changes, sometimes drastically.  And I find myself disliking how easily I had fallen into the previous judgment.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this kind of thing lately because of this newsletter.  As you may have noticed, there hasn’t been a new issue since last February, the reason for which is a lack of funds.

I’ve been having a lot of feelings about this, as you may imagine. I’ve been sending Freedom Inside since September 2001 and I love doing it.  But it seems its time may be drawing to a close.

So yes, you could say I’m having a lot of feelings about this.

I’ve written an appeal letter and it was sent to all possible mailing lists.  The result is that, through generous donations, I am able to send this issue out.  But I do not know how long I will be able to continue to do so.

It is difficult for me to see the perfection in this although I know it is there somewhere.  This “gift” from the Universe is not wrapped up in such a lovely way that I feel the joy of it even before I unwrap it and find out what is inside.

I know I eventually will.  Life has given me nothing but gifts, even when it sometimes took me a while to recognize them for what they were. I was always eventually able to see that all the “bad” things that happened to me brought me so much “good” that I wouldn’t change any of it even if I could.

So now I’m facing something that makes me very sad.  The possibility that I may have to let go of my baby, Freedom Inside.

We all know change is inevitable.  Life is about change.  Nothing stays the same.  Without change, we stagnate, we die.  I can even say that I love change.  I would not want to be so set in my ways that my life became a never ending rerun of “Groundhog Day” until I died....of boredom!!!

So.....

We create our own reality.

We are powerful beings.

Everything around us reflects who we are.

Does this mean that if I wanted it enough, if I did something differently, if I thought more positive thoughts that I would suddenly get all the funds I could ever need to continue writing FI?

Does this mean that I somehow created this lack of funding? That this ‘reality’ I’m facing is on me?

Or does it mean that I don’t trust the Universe, Life, God?  Don’t trust the Creating Force to know what is going on?

It’s hard for me not to know what the solution is.  It’s hard for me not to have something, anything, to do to fix this.

But I think for me, right now, the biggest challenge I’m facing is about letting go.  It’s about not needing my outer circumstances to change before I’m at peace.

Gosh, I’ve said that so often, to so many people, even wrote it in past issues of FI, I’m sure.  And here I am having to put my money where my mouth is.  Let me tell you, that does NOT taste very good!!

Inertia is a powerful force in all our lives, I think.  The natural tendency to continue our path at the same pace, or the resistance to start moving in a different direction.  I feel a lot of that force right now.

 

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And I keep having to remind myself that changing my outer circumstances is always about doing something.  It is not about being something.  I don’t need to change anything in order to be all I can be.  I know this to be true.  I know it.

So why is there still a part of me that believes if I could only change this one thing in my life, then everything would feel so much better.

Even in this, inertia is at work, not wanting me to change the way I’m thinking and feeling.

Change is not always easy.  I’m finding that changing from inside is harder for me than anything else.  I’ve changed a lot of my outside circumstances, from relationships to where I live, to what I do on a daily basis.  But the most important change has been how I feel about the person I am.

It’s been a long road (inertia being a big part of the length of time it took me to get here) but I like where I am....inside.

Things still hurt but that’s part of life.  That hurt simply means I care and I would never want to change that.

So, my friends, I leave you now with this suggestion:

Find the Gift!

Whatever is happening in your life, or not happening, wherever you are, however life is treating you, Find the Gift!

And that starts with knowing there is a gift to be had in even badly wrapped boxes.  It may take a while to discover it but believing it is there is the first and most important step to finding it.

One of the gifts in the situation I am facing now is the opportunity to let go of my need to decide what is best for me.  The phrase, “Let go and let God” comes to mind.

I know my Soul has a plan for me.  But in order to achieve it I have to set my mind aside, forget all my preconceived ideas of what my life should look like at 65 and just allow the Universe to do its best for me.

So now, whenever I have this feeling in my solar plexus that says there is something not quite right with my life, I know I simply need to breathe, relax and let go.

Thoughts are indeed very powerful things.  They create my perception of reality by affecting my feelings so much.  I need to get out of my head, out of my mind.

That has never sounded so good!

Sending all my love