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To Forgive Or Not To Forgive
Issue 78

This is not the first time I’ve written about forgiveness.  The reason for that is easy  enough to explain:  forgiveness is a concept I’m still trying to understand and apply in my daily life.

This week, I’ve had an opportunity to apply it....but didn’t.  I chose, instead, to be right, to make the other person wrong.  It’s a very comfy feeling, this being right. Unless, of course, I really look at what I’m feeling when I make someone else wrong.

My insides churn.  That place under my belly button, my solar plexus, where I receive all the messages from my soul, is not at all happy when I judge anyone else as wrong.  But my ego is having a good time; my ego is all about being right.

There is a part of me that does not want to recognize my connection to All That Is.  My ego does not accept that those who are acting as less than Who They Really Are, are simply a mirror of that part of me I prefer not to even think about.

So I “should have” forgiven him, right?  Right!  I knew it even as I refused to do it.  So on top of feeling bad about judging someone else, I felt bad because I was judging myself as wrong.  I was “shoulding” on myself.

One reason why I absolutely refused to forgive him is that I did not want to accept that what he did was okay.  That I was fine with it.  That people can treat me like that and I will always accept it.  Forgiving him felt like setting myself up as a victim for the next time someone chooses to act as he did.  I did not want to do that.

So I chose to stay in my judgment.  He was wrong, I deserved better and that is that!

The problem is that I knew, I just knew that forgiveness has nothing to do with being a victim.  I knew it has everything to do with being the best I can be, the most loving, the most understanding, the wisest I can be.

At the same time this was happening, I was reading again a wonderful book from my ‘Wonderful Books Shelf’.  It’s called “Zero Limits” by Joe Vitale and Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len and speaks about forgiveness.  Wouldn’t you know it? Just when I needed it the most, this beautiful message almost jumped into my hands.

I have copied many excerpts from “Zero Limits” in this issue of ‘Freedom Inside’.  You will find that article, titled ‘Healing, Hawaiian Style’ starting on page 8.

One thing Dr Hew Len stated in the book is that you do not teach this healing method, you do it!  And there I was, writing that article, while not doing it, while refusing to do it!

Oh well!  What can I say?  A part of me enjoyed the heck out of judging that guy while knowing I would have to stop BDQ in order to be true to myself.  So I did...enjoy it, I mean...and ok, stopping too.

It’s very much like watching a movie with a villain I love to hate.  I can enjoy hating him, all the while knowing this person is not really a villain, he’s just playing one in this film.

I believe I live in an illusion.  Much like being at the movies, things are happening in front of me, I get involved, my emotions get churned but nothing “real” is happening.  I’m just here to enjoy the show.  I’m here to see how I can best show up in different scenes.

It’s easy enough for me to say I believe everything is an illusion.  It’s not so easy to remember that when I’m faced with a jerk (sorry! sorry! sorry!....but you know what I mean.)

I don’t know if my life is exactly like it is because I am making it up as I go along, or whether things were destined to happen as they did, or whether it all happens by chance.  And I don’t much care either way.

Whether there is a design or it is all a crapshoot doesn’t bother me overly much, although it does make for some spirited discussions, doesn’t it?

I don’t care one way or the other because it does not change my feelings about my life and my power over my own feelings about it and how I react to it.

If it is all happening by design, then I had better “forgive trespasses” against me since I certainly want my trespasses to be forgiven.

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But if it is all a big disorganized mess, I still have to deal with my everyday life and I still choose to live happily and at peace (to me, one cannot exist without the other).

And I have found that in order to live in peace, I absolutely have to let go of the need to be right.  Needing to be right will always bring me sorrow.  As I feel now for the thoughts I’ve held this past week towards the man who I felt had treated me wrongly.

As I’m sure most of you know, forgiveness is not about the other person.  We don’t forgive to make the other feel better.  We do it to make ourselves feel better, to let go of the unpleasantness we
carry since the misdeed was done.

Forgiveness is totally selfish.   It does not make me a victim, willing to lie down for the next time someone chooses to step on me.  Forgiveness does just the opposite.  It allows me to let go, to continue living my life as though nothing was done that harmed me.  Because nothing ever can.

This is  my belief.  I am not this body, I am not this life.  As De Chardin wrote, “We are not human beings having spiritual experiences, we are spiritual beings having human experiences.”

The only reason why I would ever think I am harmed by what another does is if I believe I am this body.  Then, yes, of course I can be harmed.  But if I choose to believe I am a spiritual being, then I have nothing to fear from anyone.  And if I have nothing to fear, I will never have anything to forgive.

Dr. Hew Len goes one step further in his thinking.  He states that everything in our lives is there because we put it there. Please read the article starting page 8 to see his view.  It is amazingly powerful.

I hadn’t read “Zero Limits” in a few years.  I loved it just as much this time around.  I love anything that makes my life more joy-filled, more peaceful, happier.  And it does it the only way it can, by giving me the power to handle problems on my own.  No need for reading, for talking, for teachers or gurus.

So I decided to start (again) to use his very simple technique.  I know it works because it has in the past.  My greatest problems are, first, to remember to do it, and second, to choose to do it instead of staying in my simmering self-righteousness.

Choosing peace over being right!  That’s a big one for me. But it is the choice I make, the choice that comes from my Soul, from my Higher Self, from the very best of me.

And as I choose peace within, peace will spread without.  That’s the beauty of it all.

I wish you much peace

And Love